How
things start falling into or out of place. I'm ready for this chapter
to close, Monday can't come soon enough for me. I miss my family, I
miss everything that makes me me. I need a short getaway to Buffalo.
See some people I haven't seen in forever, see my family, but then I
need to get out or I'll be stuck there.
This weekend it was so
good to be around people who have the same motivations and goals as me.
Or just the same passion about something greater than themselves and
just wanting to succeed in doing what they love. It's a reality check
in a lot of ways. I want to have myself be surrounded with positive
influences, not negative. Music really is what drives me, seeing so
many people succeed, doing what they love for the enjoyment of other
people, helping people through their music, and just having a blast
doing it. There is nothing like that feeling.
I'm realize how
hypocritical a lot of people are. It's expected for me to bend over
backwards to appease them but when a simple favor comes into question
it can't be done. Today I had someone that i barely knew help me in
more ways than anyone else could be bothered. Because of her, I might
not fail my class (although I most definitely failed the exam)...so
thank you Anna.
I take a lot of shit from people and i just take
it...I really need to stop it. I've said it numerous times that it's my
biggest flaw because I hate confrontation and I'll avoid it at all
costs. But then I just get to my breaking point and snap. So many
comments and things have been said to me recently that I can't believe,
if I said ANY of them to the persons who's mouth they came out of they
would NEVER speak to me again and I know that for a fact. So why is it
okay to say them to me? Because I'm just going to take it? Because it
some how makes you feel better about yourself? Or do you really just
want to get a rise out of someone? I really don't understand it.
I
haven't been the same person since I got back from bamboozle. Maybe
it's because I'm so focused on succeeding, maybe it's because a lot of
little things were brought to light when I was gone. Maybe it's just
that I've grown more as a person and am finally starting to realize
that I need to stand up for myself and that time away from it made me
realize it even more.
I'm allowed to make mistakes, so are other
people. I'm allowed to do things for fun or just because I can. It
doesn't make me any different than the next person. So why am I
constantly being criticized for my actions when they barely measure up
to 1/6th of what you've done in the past. You never grow as a person if
you don't make mistakes. The only constant is change and to change you
have to make mistakes along the way. I don't have regrets and I never
will.
xoxo audio love.
Posted on 05/10/2007 11:37 AM
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